I hate you. I hate that you came along and swept me off my feet. I hate that you came out of no where, in a time when I felt most alone and stole my heart. I hate that you came into my life and left almost immediately. I hate that you treated me like a toy. I hate that you took advantage of me. I hate that you gave me so much false hope. I hate that you made me dumbfounded and absolutely crazy about you. I hate that when it comes to you, I am just another one of those boys.
"The One That Got Away". I loved that song, up until the moment you existed. Every time I listen to that song, I can't help but feel like we could've gone far. I told everyone, that I didn't push harder back then because you were wild, you were impulsive, you were a 21 year old living like there's no tomorrow. But you came back. You came back a year later all mature, all sobered down, all grown up; with that stint of you still in you; and not to mention, you are gorgeous as hell. Who do I have to blame but myself? I let you go. I didn't push hard enough. I let you go.
No one knows. No one would've expected this - that you, you of all people, have this effect on me. So I saw you, 365 days after we met, and I felt all the feelings creeping back. But what was I supposed to do? We're both living a life whereby either of us, cannot make this work. What the fuck, now I'm assuming that you feel the same... Honestly, sometimes I actually think so. I'm never wrong about these things; but hey, like I said, when it comes to you, I am just another one of those boys.
You. You have boys falling head over heels for you left and right. You don't need me. You don't see me. I am but just a speck in your life. 365 days ago, you actually felt the same way. The way you looked into my eyes; the way your cheeks blushed oh-so-red when I teased you just a little.
"So the last time we saw each other, we kissed".
Why'd you look at me like that when I said that? Why'd you give me that cheeky look that you give when I said that? What were you thinking? Were you feeling the same rush of blood to your heart as it was to me? Or was it you just being the way you are with every other guy - which is what makes every single guy out there crazy about you? Even one of my own...
I love the way you give me that cheeky look. One of the first things I ever said about you was that you were so flirty and cheeky. I loved that about you. I love the way you wink at me with those naughty eyes. I love the way all your cheekiness goes away when you're gazing into my eyes and you suddenly turn from this naughty little girl to this beautiful, beautiful person. I love the way you lie to me. I love... a lot of things about you; but I cannot say that I love you.
I have been distancing myself from you; like how you have been doing to me for a year. 364 days, no word from you; and then on the 365th day you come back make my heart jump all over again.
Love. Hate. Does it really matter anyway? You'll never read this. No one will.
From one K, to another.