Daylight. Sometimes it ends too soon, and I don't want to sleep.
Maybe if I hold you now, would you hold me now?
The Birds Would All Sing Along.
There's nothing like writing. Or in this case, typing. I'd write, but I don't have a pen with me. I have my diary very nearby, but I'm feeling like typing tonight.
"We'll hate what we've lost, but we'll love what we find".
Listening to Lillian Wee and The Paper Kites at this time of night, is awesome; but at the same time, it can be heartbreakng. Lillian, is an amazing singer-songwriter. The Paper Kites, are an amazing indie band. What they both have in common is that they both write and sing songs about what most musicians are afraid to write and sing about. Me being exhibit A.
This girl. I cannot get this girl out of my mind. If this was a movie, she'd read that long ass letter I wrote her, and she'll be touched, she'll cry and the movie ends with us kissing under the moon and stars. But this ain't a movie beetch, this is life. Give her the letter? No way. Tell her how I feel? Bad idea.
What am I supposed to do, when she simply doesn't feel the same way.
A Letter, A Dream; The Latter.
Dear You,
I hate you. I hate that you came along and swept me off my feet. I hate that you came out of no where, in a time when I felt most alone and stole my heart. I hate that you came into my life and left almost immediately. I hate that you treated me like a toy. I hate that you took advantage of me. I hate that you gave me so much false hope. I hate that you made me dumbfounded and absolutely crazy about you. I hate that when it comes to you, I am just another one of those boys.
"The One That Got Away". I loved that song, up until the moment you existed. Every time I listen to that song, I can't help but feel like we could've gone far. I told everyone, that I didn't push harder back then because you were wild, you were impulsive, you were a 21 year old living like there's no tomorrow. But you came back. You came back a year later all mature, all sobered down, all grown up; with that stint of you still in you; and not to mention, you are gorgeous as hell. Who do I have to blame but myself? I let you go. I didn't push hard enough. I let you go.
No one knows. No one would've expected this - that you, you of all people, have this effect on me. So I saw you, 365 days after we met, and I felt all the feelings creeping back. But what was I supposed to do? We're both living a life whereby either of us, cannot make this work. What the fuck, now I'm assuming that you feel the same... Honestly, sometimes I actually think so. I'm never wrong about these things; but hey, like I said, when it comes to you, I am just another one of those boys.
You. You have boys falling head over heels for you left and right. You don't need me. You don't see me. I am but just a speck in your life. 365 days ago, you actually felt the same way. The way you looked into my eyes; the way your cheeks blushed oh-so-red when I teased you just a little.
I hate you. I hate that you came along and swept me off my feet. I hate that you came out of no where, in a time when I felt most alone and stole my heart. I hate that you came into my life and left almost immediately. I hate that you treated me like a toy. I hate that you took advantage of me. I hate that you gave me so much false hope. I hate that you made me dumbfounded and absolutely crazy about you. I hate that when it comes to you, I am just another one of those boys.
"The One That Got Away". I loved that song, up until the moment you existed. Every time I listen to that song, I can't help but feel like we could've gone far. I told everyone, that I didn't push harder back then because you were wild, you were impulsive, you were a 21 year old living like there's no tomorrow. But you came back. You came back a year later all mature, all sobered down, all grown up; with that stint of you still in you; and not to mention, you are gorgeous as hell. Who do I have to blame but myself? I let you go. I didn't push hard enough. I let you go.
No one knows. No one would've expected this - that you, you of all people, have this effect on me. So I saw you, 365 days after we met, and I felt all the feelings creeping back. But what was I supposed to do? We're both living a life whereby either of us, cannot make this work. What the fuck, now I'm assuming that you feel the same... Honestly, sometimes I actually think so. I'm never wrong about these things; but hey, like I said, when it comes to you, I am just another one of those boys.
You. You have boys falling head over heels for you left and right. You don't need me. You don't see me. I am but just a speck in your life. 365 days ago, you actually felt the same way. The way you looked into my eyes; the way your cheeks blushed oh-so-red when I teased you just a little.
"So the last time we saw each other, we kissed".
Why'd you look at me like that when I said that? Why'd you give me that cheeky look that you give when I said that? What were you thinking? Were you feeling the same rush of blood to your heart as it was to me? Or was it you just being the way you are with every other guy - which is what makes every single guy out there crazy about you? Even one of my own...
I love the way you give me that cheeky look. One of the first things I ever said about you was that you were so flirty and cheeky. I loved that about you. I love the way you wink at me with those naughty eyes. I love the way all your cheekiness goes away when you're gazing into my eyes and you suddenly turn from this naughty little girl to this beautiful, beautiful person. I love the way you lie to me. I love... a lot of things about you; but I cannot say that I love you.
I have been distancing myself from you; like how you have been doing to me for a year. 364 days, no word from you; and then on the 365th day you come back make my heart jump all over again.
Love. Hate. Does it really matter anyway? You'll never read this. No one will.
From one K, to another.
From One K, To Another.
what if things were different
what if we never met
what if you got on a plane and just never came back
what if I never told you
just how much you mean to me
what if you just left and then
what if I never kissed you
would you still be my friend
what if I didn't say a word and that
would be the end
what if I never told you
just how much you mean to me
before you leave again
what would I do
if I had you
I'd keep you warm in my arms
I'd keep you safe in my heart
I'd never let you down
I'd keep you safe and sound
that's what I'd do
if I had you
what if I never told you
that red really suits you
what if we never met and strawberries would just be a fruit
what if I never told you
just how much you mean to me
before you leave again
what would I do
if I had you
I'd hold you tight I'd tuck you to sleep
I'll make you smile I'll never make you weep
I'd look into your eyes and tell you
you're beautiful
that's what I'd do
if I had you
what if things were different
what if I told you this
would you look me in the eyes and tell me
you love me?
This song is not for you
It's for everything I wish to be
Behind closed doors is where I stand
The cold wind blows
One more chance
And you are sorry for it all
And I care nothing is my fault
You're leaving as I said
Nothing to you
As I said
Nothing to you
Of all the things to say, my love, won't you listen to me
When I say
It takes one more chance to survive
And to say that it'd be easy
That's a lie
When you are sorry for it all
And I care nothing is my fault
You're leaving as I said
Nothing to you
As I said
Nothing to you
They've told me, mother, who I am
I am
So hold me and promise that I can
So hold me forever, never change
Never change
So hold me and never
It takes one more chance to survive
Now to say that that'd be easy
That's fine
When you are sorry for it all
And I care nothing is my fault
You're leaving as I said
Nothing to you
As I said
Nothing to you
So here I am again, faced with the same situation.
It's bloody pissing off. You would think that something happens once, twice, three times and things would change; but no, it doesn't.
... And so I'm faced with a situation where there's nothing I can do. Absolutely nothing. That is why I'm here. Because letting it out, even if it's to nobody, still helps.
For a while.
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